I have taken some time off of Instagram to relax, because the whole thing was really stressing me out. I tried opening my account on Sunday and I felt the unnerving sense of a panic attack lingering beneath the surface. No good. I’m not too sure how I will be able approach this online space again. I’m sure I will be able to deal with quick posts and short interactions, but the interactions is what I care about the most. Perhaps I will be fine in a week and this is just the dramatic side flaring up in me, but who knows? I’m considering limiting my correspondence to Goodreads, email and physical mail.
Either way, I am have been having a splendid time virtually on Goodreads and physically in my attic. This weekend I failed to attend YALFest, the Dutch YA festival I have been waiting for for months to attend and hate that I didn’t go, but also don’t because I knew that I wasn’t in the right mental space to go. That’s one of the things I have learned to do since last year. Not being so hard on myself for not being able to do things, because it just makes things worse than they already are. But let’s go back to my time in the attic.
I finished reading Middlegame and for me it was a game changer, wait no, life changer. If you read my previous post you will know what it’s about, but to sum it up in two words (which yes, I know is an absolute injustice): mathematics and language. Over the years a lot of things have changed in my life, but two things have always remained constant. The maths and the words. There have been times were my two favourite interests have faltered a bit, but they have always remained and looking at the bigger picture have even amplified over the years: I am a part-time mathematics/econometrics/Japanese/Chinese student and book reviewer. Who would have thought?! Middlegame for me was life changing, because of the characters I felt shared two of the most important pieces of myself. I got to read how they both nurtured their respective discipline and that could not have been more soothing for my soul. I know that sounds like a religious experience, but don’t worry hahah, I’m just really passionate about books :). It has definitely inspired me to keep going on the track that I am and intensify my studies. I have also decided to take up chess. It’s a game I always felt was too complex for me to become good at, but when I just realised it’s math, just probabilities, combinatorics, game theory, I felt an increasing urge to give it an honest try. I am currently learning to play on Chess.com. If you are interested in linking up with me on there, my username is TheArtisanGeek.
Today, I am planning on writing some reviews, reading Lord of the Flies, playing violin and studying multivariable calculus.